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Canadians Accidentally Set Off Fireworks 3 Days Early

ABBOTSFORD, BC Residents of Sumas, Washington were completely baffled by the huge display of fireworks over the border in Abbotsford, BC this evening. “What are they doing? Practicing?” pondered Mrs. Schmidt of Sumas. “They had sparklers, flares, roman candles, the whole works. All this fuss and it’s only the 1st of July.” Schmidt has written a letter to her local representative demanding that the Canadians “keep it down a little.” “Hold your ho…
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[SATIRE] The Unger Review broke the news on Wednesday, July 1, 2026.
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