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Top [SATIRE] The Unger Review News

The Simpsons' EP Clarifies Marge Simpson's Fate After Shocking Death

Disney · United States

The Simpsons' EP Clarifies Marge Simpson's Fate After Shocking Death

47% Center coverage: 38 sources

How long does it take to cross Winnipeg’s Portage and Main?

Winnipeg Jets · Winnipeg

How long does it take to cross Winnipeg’s Portage and Main?

100% Left coverage: 1 sources

Is it faster to get across Winnipeg’s famous Portage and Main intersection now that pedestrians are finally allowed to cross at street level instead of underground? We decided to find out.See the Story

Mennonite Man Finally Upgrades His Massey Harris

Manitoba · Manitoba

Mennonite Man Finally Upgrades His Massey Harris

CHORTITZ, MB Area man Johan Kroeker stopped by his local farm implements dealership looking for an upgrade to his 1893 Massey Harris. “Yeah, well, I figured it was time,” said Kroeker. “My Martha even told [...]Read Article

Swift Current, SK Current Weather - The Weather Network

Get Swift Current, SK current weather report with temperature, feels like, wind, humidity, pressure, UV and more from TheWeatherNetwork.com.Swift Current · Swift Current See the Story

Mennonite Woman Has Already Planted 25% of a Simon and Garfunkel Song

WINKLER, MB Area woman Olga Sawatzky, 61, is very impressed with her garden this year and says she’s especially excited to be one-quarter of a popular Simon and Garfunkel song. “Not that I listen to that ‘behind the barn’ music,” said Sawatzky. “But I’m well on my way to parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme, or so I’ve heard.” So far Sawatzky only has a row of parsley, but says intends to add an herb every year including the remaining sage, rosemar…Winkler · Winkler Read Article

[Opinion] Mennonite Man to Hold the Exact Same Opinion About Everything for the Next Fifty Years

LA CRETE, AB Area man Garth Martens has reached the age of 31, which means he will now settle all his opinions and judgments of taste and not diverge from these for the rest of [...]Opinion · Alberta Read Article

Steinbacher Shocked at Lack of Honda Civics in New F1 Movie

STEINBACH, MB Local Main Street racer Collin Dueck, 26, was really looking forward to the new F1 movie, but has come away more confused than ever. “I’ve been a professional racer for almost a decade now,” said Dueck, who comes into Steinbach to race on Main Street every evening during the summer months, “and all I’ve ever seen are loud pickup trucks and obnoxious Honda Civics.” Dueck says he was also shocked at the size of the crowds in the new …Formula 1 · Steinbach Read Article

Mennonite high school in Gretna won’t offer classes in fall, future uncertain

100% Center coverage: 1 sources

Breaking News, Sports, Manitoba, CanadaManitoba · Manitoba See the Story

Innocent Civilian Super Grateful to Have House Bombed in Name of Freedom

SOME CITY YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF, COUNTRY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT An innocent civilian in some other country is super grateful to all the foreign powers who decided the best way to bring about his freedom was to rain down missiles onto his neighbourhood. “When I think of freedom, the first thing I think of is bombs falling from the sky and taking out the whole block,” said Some Guy You Saw on Television from the Comfort of Your Own Home. “You know…Military Read Article

American Shoppers Flock to Get their Hands on World War III Apparel

OMAHA, NE Malls were packed this weekend for the kickoff of summer. And you know what that means – deals on all the hottest World War III apparel. “There’s camo everywhere,” said eager shopper Kathy Kroeker, 23. “We’re lining up outside American Eagle and Old Navy for all the trendiest fatigues and combat uniforms.” There was so much excitement at the prospect of a major world conflict, that some stores had to make a few alterations just to keep…Omaha, Nebraska · Omaha Read Article

NHL: Longtime Blackhawks Star Jonathan Toews to Sign with Jets

49% Center coverage: 47 sources

Longtime Chicago Blackhawks forward Jonathan Toews agreed to a one-year contract with the Winnipeg Jets, the team announced Friday.Winnipeg Jets · Winnipeg See the Story

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