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Top [SATIRE] The Unger Review News

Forklift Enlisted to Transport New Mennonite Book

Winnipeg · Winnipeg

Forklift Enlisted to Transport New Mennonite Book

WINNIPEG, MB A brand new volume edited by scholar Rob Zacharias will take its place on library shelves alongside Martyrs Mirror, The Complete Writing of Menno Simons and Royden Loewen’s Blumenort book as the longest books ever written about Mennonites. “The guy from Friesens dropped them off this afternoon with a forklift,” said Zacharias, editor of In Search of a Mennonite Imagination: Key Texts in Mennonite Literary Criticism. “And that was ju…Read Article

Mennonites Gather in Winnipeg to Decide which Writer to Excommunicate Next

Winnipeg · Winnipeg

Mennonites Gather in Winnipeg to Decide which Writer to Excommunicate Next

WINNIPEG, MB While scholars and writers gather at Canadian Mennonite University this weekend for the 2025 Mennonite/s Writing Conference, another gathering is taking place across the city with an entirely different purpose. “Mennonite writers are the bane of our existence,” said event organizer Corny Reimer. “If it wasn’t for all those writers airing our dirty laundry all the time, we’d have things a whole lot easier around here. Therefore, we’v…Read Article

Area Man Supports “Biblical Marriage” By Obtaining 700 Wives and 300 Concubines

Augusta, Georgia · Augusta

Area Man Supports “Biblical Marriage” By Obtaining 700 Wives and 300 Concubines

AUGUSTA, GA Staunch “Biblical literalist” Dave Wright, 61, has finally accomplished his goal of living out the model of marriage as clearly established in the Bible. “I’ve been collecting wives over the past few years and was at number 699 as of yesterday,” said Wright. “Then finally this afternoon, I married bride number 700. Along with my 300 concubines, I feel I’m the only member of the Southern Baptist Convention who’s truly living a life of…Read Article

Musk Steals Church Split Idea from Mennonites

WASHINGTON, DC After a highly publicized rift with the White House in recent weeks, Elon Musk has finally acknowledged the source of his schismatic idea. “As we all know, I’m not really an ideas man. Instead, I just look at what’s successful elsewhere and steal it,” said Musk. “So when I was thinking about splitting from the White House, I figured I’d bring in the experts when it comes to schisms and division – the Mennonites.” According to Musk…Elon Musk · Washington Read Article

Top 10 Menno Lit Satire Articles

This weekend at CMU is the tenth Mennonite/s Writing conference. I attended the last conference in Goshen in 2022 and I’m really looking forward to this year’s conference right here in Winnipeg once yet. So, of course, in honour of the event, I scoured my archives to look for Menno Lit articles. Here’s a selection: Click on the links below to read the full articles. Renowned Mennonite Writer Honoured to Have His Photo Above the Washrooms at McN…Read Article

Steinbachers Starve for Lack of Fast Food Chains

STEINBACH, MB Dozens of Steinbachers expressed their rage on the community Facebook page this week, wondering just when “they” were going to bring a particular fast food restaurant to town. “I’m sick and tired of living in a community where our only options are McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, A&W, Dairy Queen, two Subways, three Tim Hortons, Pizza Hut, Starbucks, Domino’s, Pita Pit, Mary Brown’s, Qdoba, KFC, George’s, Little Caesars, Booster J…Facebook · Steinbach Read Article

Mennonite Teens Survive Boring Sermon with New Nintendo Switch

SASKATOON, SK More than a dozen teens at North Saskatoon Mennonite Church were caught hauling out their new Nintendo Switches this Sunday just as soon as Pastor Dave launched into his sermon on the eleventh chapter of Leviticus. “I didn’t stand in that line for nothing,” said 13-year-old Alex Peters. “It’s a good thing these new Nintendos are portable.” The Switch 2 has been particularly popular with Mennonite young people, since it’s small and …Nintendo · Saskatoon Read Article

Trump to Reopen Alcatraz to Imprison Canadians

SAN FRANCISCO, CA With the trade war heating up, Donald Trump recently announced he would be reopening Alcatraz with the sole purpose of imprisoning Canadians who’ve hurt his feelings on social media. “Cross the border with a Trump meme on your phone and its straight to Alcatraz for you!” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, “and I don’t mean on the tourist boat.” The cost to reopen Alcatraz is estimated to cost $165 billion, compl…Donald Trump · San Francisco Read Article

Airline Strives to Make Travel as Uncomfortable as Humanly Possible

WINKLER, MB West Reserve Airlines has long been a leader in Canadian air travel, with their continual efforts to make air travel as uncomfortable and inconvenient as humanly possible. The airline announced this morning they would be adding a next extra step in their effort to expand the possibilities of discomfort and inconvenience. “We starting cancelling and delaying flights a long time ago. Then we started charging for carry-on bags,” said We…Air Travel · Winkler Read Article

Committee Already Planning “Anabaptism 1000” Celebrations

ADDIS ABABA, ETHIOPIA Moments after the 500th anniversary service ended, a committee of Mennonites from around the world had already gathered in Addis Ababa to start planning the Anabaptism 1000 celebrations. “I know this is a little tighter schedule than we’re used to,” said Mrs. Wiens, “but we’ll make do, I’m sure.” The plan is to hold a church service somewhere in the world, probably Goshen. “If it’s still around,” said Mrs. Wiens. “Otherwise…Ethiopia · Ethiopia Read Article

Pastor to Fight Epidemic of Mennonite Men Wearing Shorts in Church

ROSTHERN, SK After half the men in the congregation showed up in shorts this past Sunday, Pastor Carl is now enforcing the church’s long standing no shorts rule. “It’s been on the books for decades, [...]Church · Rosthern Read Article

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