US EditionAsking Eric: Friend is using ADHD as excuse for being rude
- The letter writer reports that the friend, recently diagnosed with ADHD, is now repeatedly late or absent, including skipping a planned dinner at the letter-writer's home without notifying or apologizing.
- Because the friend cites ADHD, the letter writer reports the friend often jokes about it when late and forgets plans unless reminded, while the letter writer’s mother is dying, father has dementia, and daughter is ill.
- Concrete details reveal the friend often misses dinners unless reminded repeatedly, and the letter writer spends money on food for these missed gatherings, causing frustration.
- R. Eric Thomas advised the letter writer they can ask for what they need while staying sensitive to the friend's challenges, emphasizing that a post-miss check-in is appropriate even if late.
- For next steps, the columnist recommended an honest, blame-free conversation about needs and suggested Dirty Laundry: Why Adults with ADHD Are So Ashamed and What We Can Do to Help, by Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery.
22 Articles
22 Articles
Asking Eric: Is my dear friend using her ADHD diagnosis as an excuse to not show up for me?
Dear Eric: My friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She is now continually late for events or doesn’t show up at all. On one occasion my friend was coming for dinner at my house. An hour before she was due, I got a text from another friend saying they were now having dinner at her place. My first friend didn’t contact me at all, not to apologize, nothing. I’d spent a lot of money on food and was cross.
Asking Eric: My always-late friend with ADHD says I should be understanding, not angry with her
Dear Eric: My friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She is now continually late for events or doesn’t show up at all. On one occasion my friend was coming for dinner at my house. An hour before she was due, I got a text from another friend saying they were now having dinner at her place. My first friend didn’t contact me at all, not to apologize, nothing. I’d spent a lot of money on food and was cross.
Asking Eric: Time is precious, but friend is leaning on recent ADHD diagnosis to excuse wasting it
Dear Eric: My friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She is now continually late for events or doesn’t show up at all. On one occasion my friend was coming for dinner at my house. An hour before she was due, I got a text from another friend saying they were now having dinner at her place. My first friend didn’t contact me at all, not to apologize, nothing. I’d spent a lot of money on food and was cross.
Asking Eric: Friend is using ADHD as excuse for being rude
Dear Eric: My friend was recently diagnosed with ADHD. She is now continually late for events or doesn’t show up at all. On one occasion my friend was coming for dinner at my house. An hour before she was due, I got a text from another friend saying they were now having dinner at her place. My first friend didn’t contact me at all, not to apologize, nothing. I’d spent a lot of money on food and was cross.
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